I read this quote recently in a magazine…
The article was about women, just like you and me, who have the subtle (and sometimes arrogantly raucous) Voice in our head reminding us of all the ways we don’t “measure up”.
The quote stated:
“It used to be that people competed laterally – we tried to be as good as the people down the block. Now we’re competing vertically, trying to be as gorgeous as airbrushed models and celebrities with personal trainers and chefs”.
Personally, I’ve decided it’s just too hard.
It’s too much pressure.
The message all around us is that if we don’t look like Miranda Kerr, then not only are we invisible, we should probably stop taking up room on the planet to make way for the more beautiful people.
So how can you catch up with an unobtainable image of perfection?
You can’t. It will forever be just out of reach.
Around ten years ago I became so chronically desperate to change my body shape that I decided to get liposuction.
Yup. Fat sucked from the butt.
It was painful. It was scary. And it didn’t work.
My shape changed a little, but my butt was still ginormous (yes. that’s the technical term for “huge-assery”)
Did I chalk it up to experience? Did I sit back and say “Oh well, I guess that’s a sign to leave well enough alone”?
I did it AGAIN!
Same surgeon. Same humiliating, terrifying experience. And although this time I did see measurably better results, I still wasn’t happy.
Wasn’t this everything I had ever dreamed of?
I considered going all the way and getting some kind of extreme makeover, but honestly, would that be enough?
Would that be enough to make people’s heads turn as I walk down the street and say “Wow! She’s perfect!” And even if they did, how long before the laughter lines start to show again and my butt no longer fit into those size 6 jeans?
If you want to love yourself when you reach your goal weight, the excruciatingly annoying truth is you will need to love yourself now. Yup. Right now. As you are. Muffin top and all.
How do you do it?
Well, here’s a sneak peak at just some of the tools that I used to overcome 30 years of emotional eating and self hatred and create a life and a body that, while far from perfect, are all mine. And that’s sweet enough for me.
1. get honest with yourself
We’ve all done it, the old “I’ll enjoy my life when…” syndrome. Don’t shut yourself off from the world. Live now! Go to parties. Dance with strangers (unless they’re weird. Or wearing a mask. Or have bad breath. Avoid those strangers at all costs). Open up and let love in. This is your life and it’s not going to wait until you’re “ready”. Live it now.
2. make time for yourself
Doing, doing, doing for everyone else may make the rest of the world happy, but you? Not so much. Your wants and needs are just as important as the next persons. Don’t be scared to say “no”. Accept that not everybody is going to like you and that’s just fine. Ruffle a few feathers. Slam a few doors. Don’t bottle your feelings inside and most of all, don’t coat them with peanut butter, smother them between two slices of bread and eat them. Express yourself.
3. take five minutes of Quite Time each day
Some call it meditation, others call it prayer; I like to call it my five minutes of Quiet Time. This is when the phone and the TV are turned off and you drift into complete and total silence (aka bliss) mentally constructing the body of your dreams. How would your body look if you were ten, thirty or fifty kilos lighter? How would you feel? Get clear on exactly how you want your body and your life to be.
4. put it in pictures
Not into the woo woo visualisation? No worries! Start a Pinterest board! Pin your sexy body next to a picture of Chris Hemsworth! Slap your head on a Beyonce body. Do whatever works for you, just breathe deeply, pick something and do it!
5. the bottom line
If there’s one thing that is becoming increasingly obvious to me as I reach my mid 40’s, it’s no matter how you look, there will always be someone prettier, younger and thinner than you.
Does this mean you should stop trying? No, I don’t believe it does. But if your “trying” is coming from a place of self-loathing, you’ll never get anywhere.
One thing I absolutely know for sure is that there’s more to you than an impossibly toned butt, perkier boobs or a perfectly proportioned body… and once you really start to believe this, all the rest is not quite as important.
Here’s to Ditching the Diet!
P.S. What’s your favourite way to bust a self love move? Let me know below so we can share the love!
P.S.S. Forward this post to 3 girlfriends who who could use a little extra self love right now. xx