Is Your Relationship Causing You To Binge?
Have you ever asked your partner “does my butt look big in this?” and heard crickets chirping while they work up the courage to tell you that it actually looks bigger than an over-stuffed cream puff?
Some of us have partners who love us no matter what we weigh (or what we eat). But other’s of us have partners who have noooo problem pointing out our faults over and over (and over) again.
On my fifteenth birthday I remember attempting to pull my over sized, shoulder pad embellished, eighties fashion jumper down low enough to cover my butt. At seventeen I had tried (and failed) over twenty different diets and by the age of thirty I had lost and gained over 100 kilos.
My entire life history has been one long diet and most of the time, it was to either GET or KEEP a man.
I believed that if I didn’t diet, if I didn’t restrict, if I didn’t deprive… how on earth would I EVER lose the weight I so desperately needed to lose? How would I get rid of my jiggly belly and thunder thighs? What man want’s THAT?!
It was off the back of these questions that, out of pure necessity, I learned a new set of actions around ending the war with food.
Because I hated myself so much and because I simply couldn’t stand the struggle with food and my body, I created relationship after relationship with men who only were interested with how I looked. In other words, the universe was mirroring back to me my own self loathing.
Am I saying that if you’re with a partner who is not treating you with respect and kindless, it’s somehow your fault? No. That is NOT what I’m saying. But I AM saying that if you are not getting what you desire and need from your lover, then it might be time to demand a little more for yourself.
Here are some of the warning signs that your unhappy relationship with your lover might be the reason for your unhappy relationship with food…
1. They Withhold Affection Or Sex To Punish You
This kind of relationship is based on fear, deprivation and guilt. It’s not equal. It’s a power play. And in an environment like this it’s almost impossible to trust your body because you are very often in flight or fight mode. How can you trust your hunger or how to even know if you truly ARE hungry when your constantly fighting an external battle?
A relationship like this is perfect for messing with your head so that you find yourself scarfing down an entire tub of ice cream purely because your partner said not to.
Remember, you cannot restrict yourself in one area without falling out of balance in another. The harder you try to please them, the unhappier they will be. Why? Because often they want to be in control of everything, including YOU. The harder you diet to be who you think they want you to be, the harder the fall of the binge.
[bctt tweet=”You can’t control the way another person chooses to live their life. But you CAN choose how you live yours.” username=”KyliePax”]
2. They Blame You For Their Unhappiness
This is the partner that blames you for all their problems, including their their sad-ass attitude. They belittle your dreams and goals and accuse you of things that aren’t true, so you feel forced to prove your love. This is one of the most depressing relationships of all.
Any time you feel restricted or deprived or “caged in”, you will naturally want to rebel, and that’s exactly what bingeing is. It’s like saying “screw you” to your circumstances by using chocolate and cheese to release the pressure. Of course, like any binge, it comes topped with a steaming serve of guilt which, in turn, leads to more fear of being caught, restriction and more bingeing (and thus the crazy cycle is complete.)
3. They Constantly Check Up On You When You’re Apart
Ever experienced this one? The 2am text messages to make sure you’re at home. The “I didn’t know you meant THIS local pub” totally-by-chance meeting whenever you’re out with the girls. Partners who don’t trust you are seeeew annoying. The love and laughter that was once endless has now been replaced shade. In short, they don’t trust YOU because they don’t trust THEMSELVES.
Throughout all of it, the most important thing to realise is that what you gain at a loss in one area, is what will launch you into the next unexpected chapter of your life in another.
Relationships are hard. Both with food and with your lover. But as you strip away the hurt you will see that only your innate desire for happiness and fulfilment remains.
You can’t control the way another person chooses to live their life. But you CAN choose how you live yours.
Real love cannot be manipulated or controlled. And the only love that is real, is the love inside of YOU.
Now, I’d loooove to hear from you! Are you struggling with a difficult relationship? How is it affecting your food choices? Join your sisters in the conversation below and remember, let’s support each other!
Oodles of chocolate coated love!