I Stuffed My Face With Chocolate

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Have you ever tried so hard to be “good” with your diet that you end up being “bad”?

I had one of those times yesterday. You see, I have know for a while now that I need to heal my gut. Poor digestion and other health problems have been making a guest appearance recently (Yup. Years of bingeing and chronic dieting will do that do you) but I refused to accpet that I couldn’t gluten or sugar (ie. CAKE) ever again.

Seriously? No cake?

EVER?

Don’t these people understand who they’re talking to?

I’ve had my fair share of dietary restriction, thank you very much. As far as I’m concerned, you can take your fancy restriction and SHOVE IT wherever the heck it fits (just don’t let it caught between me and my dark chocolate KitKat, coz I’ll probably eat it)

And speaking of eating…

Yesterday, I reeeally wanted some chocolate. And not the fancy, organic, five hundred dollars per kilo chocolate either. I wanted some cheap-ass, refined sugar filled, gluten filled CHOCOLATE. And frankly, I was embarrassingly ill prepared for what happened next…

I knew that I shouldn’t eat it.

Should I?

No, no. Really I couldn’t.

Could I?

So here I was, at the supermarket, stuck between a fair trade woven basket full of (boring as hell) organic apples OR a super sized wall of chocolate. Their bright, shiny wrappers beckoned me . I walked closer. My resolve crumbling and leaving a trail of stale cookie crumbs behind me.

I was definitely in the danger zone. I’d let myself get waaaay past hungry. And then I saw them… like a saucy red temptress from the fiery pits below they stood before me… a wall of KitKat’s (I swear if it was legal to marry a chocolate bar, my KitKat husband would satisfy me forever) and before I knew it, I was clutching at packets of KitKat’s and scurrying to the checkout like a deviate holding my shameful stash.

After making small talk with the sales assistant and pretending the chocolate was for my (imaginary) 5 year old son, I was able to get my sweet, chocolate husband to the car and, without further ado, I flew into an eating frenzy.

Chocolate wrappers went flying through the air like tiny red trapeze artists as I devoured my sweet afternoon “lunch” and yet, something in me was begging for my attention. So I stopped. And I took a (mental) step back. Was THIS who I was? Some crazed chocoholic who uses my sob stories about gluten and sugar as an excuse to visit the old chocolate coated neighbourhood?

No. That’s who I USED to be. But that’s not who I am NOW.

Carefully I placed the remaining chocolate back in its wrapper and set it aside. I would NOT give in to shame. I would NOT listen to The Voice in my head that told me “Well, you messed that up good and proper, fool. You might as well go back to the store and get the chips as well!”

No.

I wasn’t going to do it.

Why?

Because…

Your feelings are always true. But the thoughts that gave you the feelings might not be.

This is real life and stuff happens. Stuff happens in life. Stuff happens at work. And stuff definitely happens with food. Sure, everything matters… but what matters most is knowing that you’re ok. KitKat frenzy and all. YOU’RE OK. You don’t have to get it perfect (whatever the heck that is anyway.) You only have to do the best you can given the circumstances you’re in.

And I did.

So today, decide who you want to be. Decide what you stand for and what you truly believe is possible for you and then… go out and make it happen.

And remember, it’s okay to make mistakes. It’s okay to stumble. Why? Because…

You can’t mess up at being you.

Now, I’d loooove to hear from you! Are you struggling between what you WANT to eat and what you know you SHOULD eat? Join the conversation below and remember, people come here for inspiration and direction, so let’s support each other!